I had some alone time with Ava yesterday. This doesn’t happen often, since she’s still more or less glued to Nikki’s side most of the time, but that’s bound to start changing. Until now, I haven’t felt too much of a real emotional response from Ava apart from her smiling when she sees me. I couldn’t possibly love her any more than I already do, but I think she’s been too young to reflect that back to me. That feeling changed yesterday as I fed her baby food. She ate the food steadily, not making nearly the mess she usually makes, until it was all gone. She stared at me intently throughout, and for the first time, I felt that recognition, that connection. When Nikki got back from her store run, I told her we had “moments.” As I think back to when Gia was this age, I remember a similar experience. I loved Gia intensely, of course, but she was really just this needy baby, albeit an incredibly cute one. I start to feel bad, like there’s some overwhelming, deep connection I’m missing, until I remind myself that she’s really just a baby, despite the fact that she can look right through you sometimes. Yesterday was one of those times. I look forward to many more.