I’ve finally succumbed to peer pressure and threw up a MySpace account here. For someone who prides himself on being technically savvy, it seems a little late in the game. Frankly, I’ve been a little creeped out by the whole MySpace phenomenon, with all the sexual predators floating around, not to mention the hordes of lonely, desperate, socially inept types who can’t pry themselves away from their computers long enough to skulk out of their dingy basements and meet people the old fashioned way, face to face. I’m not advocating alcoholism here, mind you, but there’s a lot to be said for the occasional visit to the local watering hole for a shot and a game of pool. Sometimes it’s just that kind of night that could lead to marriage and children, if that’s your thing. Of course, it’s much easier to pretend you’re a hundred pounds lighter and thirty years younger, soliciting twelve year olds because you’re just so in tune with their needs. I know plenty of people who are convinced that computers are evil. Apparently it’s the Internet itself that ends marriages, rather than the people compelled to abuse the greatest collective source of information the world has ever known. So maybe I’ve been guilty of labelling MySpace unfairly. After all, guns don’t kill people. People do. I will keep this website and blog going, selectively throwing up a MySpace blog entry, maybe sharing a photo here and a video there. With a little luck, I’ll avoid getting sucked into the dark abyss.

Gia had school pictures taken. They arrived last week. There are two of them, both of her. Unless I’m missing something, there is no ‘class picture.’ Maybe they couldn’t get the room full of 3 year olds to cooperate. For $45 a set (the least expensive option), they should have had those kids standing at attention. Of course, we ‘have to do it,’ since it is, after all, Gia’s first official class photo. That’s how they get you. Tug those heart strings. Never mind that we have our own website with upwards of 15,000 family photos. Never mind that ours look better and more professional. (I don’t know who they had taking these pictures. They’re cute and all, but that’s only because Gia is quite possibly the most adorable child on the face of this Earth aside from her baby sister.) Never mind that we’re spending a fortune on tuition, on top of which is the constant barrage of fundraising requests. It never ends with these people. Gia herself could have taken better pictures. Maybe Nikki and I should volunteer our own photography services (naturally at a premium price). We could pay for a couple of months of school for Gia inside of an hour.

Had a sort-of-surprise family gathering on Sunday, a rare combination of related and nearly related people at my house. It’s extremely rare to have any combination of people aside from our immediate family at our house ever. Maybe this is a good thing, because it always seems to be followed by shell shock. I don’t know if that would change if we got to see our respective families more. Maybe the fact that it’s so rare is what makes it such a shock to our systems. This last visit was a relatively short one compared to the few before, but I still needed yesterday to relax afterwards. Luckily, it was a Jewish holiday. Good timing.

Despite the exhaustion, it’s always nice to have external validation of our parenting abilities. My brother said something like, “Looks like you’re doing a terrible job raising kids,” as Gia looked up at him smiling from ear to ear. “If you ever get tired of ‘em, let us know.”

Barely noticed the summertime. I think it came around for a few days, long enough for me to throw our air conditioner into the living room window and run up one electric bill. I’ll have to rip it out of the window before we get the house powerwashed. Despite all the global warming, the A/C was almost more trouble than it was worth this year, and it feels like the hot weather’s history. Maybe the change of seasons is partly to blame for Ava’s refusal to let us sleep. She’s been waking up throughout the night, screaming at the top of her lungs, which seems to be her standard procedure for letting us know she’s either uncomfortable, or wants something, or who knows. She’s got one of those screams that can shatter a human skull. I’m surprised the neighbors haven’t called the cops yet. If we were still living in our apartment, I’m sure we’d have been visited repeatedly by now. It must sound like there’s torture going on, and in fact there is, but we’re the ones getting beaten up.

On the bright side, Gia seems to be enjoying preschool. It’s almost a month already. So far so good. I think she’s the only one getting any sleep at all.

Gia starts preschool officially in nine days. One week from today, she begins her ‘Phase-In,’ and that same night, there’s a ‘Parents Orientation.’ This is one more affirmation that I am really a parent. I wonder how many other parents at this shindig will feel as disoriented as I feel. I still haven’t come to grips with the fact that I have offspring. In my professional life, I grapple with the feeling that I’ll be discovered as some kind of impostor, that someone someday soon will wake up and realize that I know absolutely nothing. I’ve expressed this to some of my associates, and happily, they’ve laughed at me, so for now, the snow job continues. What will it be like when I’m surrounded by a bunch of other parents, at a very parent-focused event? I’ve been around parents before. I even had parents myself. What’s the story here? Why the apprehension? I don’t even have long hair any more, so there’s even less reason for people to look at me like I’m some kind of freak. Really, I’m looking forward to the experience. It’s all part of my big experiment in adulthood. I’m trying to remain very selective with it though. Wouldn’t want to be an adult all the time. What a waste of time that would be. I can see how my kids look at me when I even try. They know better, much better. They are both much wiser than I ever was.

Turned 40 last week. Today’s 40 is yesterday’s 20, or something like that. I feel pretty good aside from the general malaise, which is also a good thing, I think. Self reflection is inevitable at this point. Maybe it’s not inevitable, but here it is. I’m reflecting. Crain’s NY Business Magazine, which I often read because it’s left on the bathroom floor at work, has its “Forty Under 40″ piece listing those wildly successful “Under 40″ people who, we would assume, have managed to make boatloads of money and earned the respect of the community and gobbled up millions of acres of prime real estate and have the words “Chief” and “Officer” in their titles. I’ll have to put Made it into the Crain’s ‘Forty Under 40′ on my list of things I didn’t do before I was 40. Thankfully, it wasn’t one of my life’s ambitions. On the other list, however, I’m finding there are some truly great things. Here they are, in no particular order:

• Got married
• Became a dad… TWICE!!
• Bought my first house
• Got a real estate license
• Got a college degree
• Took the LSAT
• Played music onstage

OK, so it’s not exactly a comprehensive list, but it’ll have to do for now. I’ve got to go make plans. There’s plenty to do before I turn… 40 1/2.

We needed to fix the bathroom. Gia ripped the soapdish out of the wall a month or so ago, and since then, it’s been patched up with duct tape and a plastic trash bag. Shortly thereafter, we found a flyer in the mail advertising one of those one-shot, shower/tub shell deals, so we decided to give it a try. The owner of the place showed up last Saturday to give his shpiel. We liked him. He made the sale. They were due this morning.

Nikki called me after I got to the office. She was there with Jose, the one guy they sent to do the job. When he started pulling down tiles, it became apparent that the job was going to be a little more complicated. I asked her if Jose was panicking. I heard her ask him, “Are you panicking?”

“Yes, I’m Spanish,” he replied.

Turns out Jose did a great job. Of course, it rained all day, so he had to do his sawing and bending and whatever else in our living room, so Nikki’s busy cleaning up toxic dust right now. We’ll also have to fix the brand new gaping hole in our outside wall before a rainstorm comes and… well, I won’t know that until I get home. It was Jose’s first week, so he probably worked extra hard to make a good impression, so at least we have that going for us. That, and the fact that the house hasn’t caved in. I guess we still have a bathroom, so that’s also a plus.

Gia is starting preschool in a few weeks. We also found a daycare center right around the corner from our house. I know it’s all for the best. There’s still a part of me that gets choked up thinking of her not being with us for any length of time. It’s got to be a control issue. We have a decent degree of control over her environment right now. She’s safe. She’s with us. The world can be a harsh place, and I want her never to have to be exposed to its harsh side. I want her to be all cuddly and cozy forever. As much as I’m repulsed by the images of spoiled rich celebrity kids all over the media these days, I can understand the motivation behind spoiling them. It’s a natural impulse, at least for me. I just wish Gia was a black belt already. That might put me at ease. Anyway, Gia needs to get out and socialize with some kids her age. I think they’re too young to be intentionally cruel to each other. Isn’t that a few years away? I’m not sure anymore. I keep hearing that kids are maturing much earlier these days. This doesn’t make sense to me. If we’re living longer, shouldn’t we be maturing later?

I had some alone time with Ava yesterday. This doesn’t happen often, since she’s still more or less glued to Nikki’s side most of the time, but that’s bound to start changing. Until now, I haven’t felt too much of a real emotional response from Ava apart from her smiling when she sees me. I couldn’t possibly love her any more than I already do, but I think she’s been too young to reflect that back to me. That feeling changed yesterday as I fed her baby food. She ate the food steadily, not making nearly the mess she usually makes, until it was all gone. She stared at me intently throughout, and for the first time, I felt that recognition, that connection. When Nikki got back from her store run, I told her we had “moments.” As I think back to when Gia was this age, I remember a similar experience. I loved Gia intensely, of course, but she was really just this needy baby, albeit an incredibly cute one. I start to feel bad, like there’s some overwhelming, deep connection I’m missing, until I remind myself that she’s really just a baby, despite the fact that she can look right through you sometimes. Yesterday was one of those times. I look forward to many more.

So I decided to refinance. My original arrangement on the first home purchase was a ‘piggy-back’ loan. That’s two loans, an ’80-20,’ which totals 100, or 100%, meaning total financing. I’m sure this is common knowledge to most people who have gone through this, but to me, this was all new territory. For those of us not blessed with much, if any, savings, this is one popular method to compensate for closing costs. In fact, I ‘overfinanced,’ which means the total of both loans came to roughly 105% of the selling price of the house, which provided a little extra cash. There was no avoiding having to put money down. For this, I had to take out the maximum loan amount on my 401k. It took me six solid years to save enough in that account to be able to do any of this. In effect, that’s yet another loan. Good debt, bad debt, whatever, I’m in debt up to my eyeballs, but my family has a house. That’s the important thing. Enough history.

Closing on the refi took all of 15 minutes. The closing attorney came to my house. Sign here, initial here, sign here, etc. Nice enough guy. He represents over 300 banks. We talked a bit about the real estate market. He said that right now, “It’s nobody’s market.” Not even a buyer’s market. Nobody’s doing anything. He blames the government. He said something about the situation being fixable, all it would take would be for the government to raise interest rates, or something. I have no idea. I know we’re at war, gas prices are through the roof, and the president’s alienated virtually everybody. I know that house prices aren’t skyrocketing like the were a year ago. They’re even dropping in some areas, but that had to happen. Things were way out of control. Unfortunately, it’s more than a gold rush mentality that’s causing the market to ‘correct itself.’ There’s a war going on. That fact doesn’t seem to find its way into nearly enough conversations.