The dream gift was originally intended for Ava: safety scissors shaped like a cute, friendly, innocuous beast which she could use for her endless arts-and-crafts projects, such as cutting up important government documents, credit card bills, bank notifications, etc. while her parents would guzzle cheap rot-gut whiskey and whine and laugh about the great old times when worry would kill you quicker than anything. Nikki took Gia out into the world on a quest for such treasure as would bring the light of glee into the eyes of our now-two-year-old, a quest which would end up in the bowels of holiday weekend shopping hell.
The beacon appeared towards the end of the excursion, and it is pictured here in all its packaged brilliance. What better offering to your innocent daughter than a friendly, inoffensively colored mallard to assist you with your paper shredding, chopping and older sister-threatening daily chores, particularly when it boasts ‘Shark Sounds when you cut!’ and one can only hope ‘Here’s to Swimmin’ with Bowed-Legged Women!’
The question remains, as we are compelled to ‘Also look for the Duck Scissors’ on the rear of the packaging, is whether the Shark Scissors quack. I might have to hunt down a pair.