Saturday Hanukkah

I believe we’ve located the menorah. It’s been in our storage unit since we moved. We will probably light all the candles on the last night. I’ve been told, ‘You’re a good Jew.” This was at a time when I was at a gathering at my sister’s house. A friend of hers was having some difficulty with her digital camera, so I sprung into action. Afterwards, she said to me,”You’re a good Jew.” I think she was some high-ranking official at my sister’s synagogue. I was just helping someone out, and there she was slapping a label on it. When we finally get around to lighting the candles, I’ll be doing it more for the enjoyment of the children and my wife than anything else. If that makes me a good Jew, so be it. I’m just trying to celebrate.

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Happy 2nd, Ava Part 2

Here’s a follow-up to the birthday festivities…

[youtube kbxpBiD5Ays]

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Creativity Begins Here

The dream gift was originally intended for Ava: safety scissors shaped like a cute, friendly, innocuous beast which she could use for her endless arts-and-crafts projects, such as cutting up important government documents, credit card bills, bank notifications, etc. while her parents would guzzle cheap rot-gut whiskey and whine and laugh about the great old times when worry would kill you quicker than anything. Nikki took Gia out into the world on a quest for such treasure as would bring the light of glee into the eyes of our now-two-year-old, a quest which would end up in the bowels of holiday weekend shopping hell.

The beacon appeared towards the end of the excursion, and it is pictured here in all its packaged brilliance. What better offering to your innocent daughter than a friendly, inoffensively colored mallard to assist you with your paper shredding, chopping and older sister-threatening daily chores, particularly when it boasts ‘Shark Sounds when you cut!’ and one can only hope ‘Here’s to Swimmin’ with Bowed-Legged Women!’

Duck Scissors Front of Package Duck Scissors Back of Package

The question remains, as we are compelled to ‘Also look for the Duck Scissors’ on the rear of the packaging, is whether the Shark Scissors quack. I might have to hunt down a pair.

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Happy 2nd, Ava

[youtube f-TYvNRq6Qo]

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Baby Number Three

So we’ve gone and done it. I should say, my wife did it, for the third time, this past Halloween. It was once again an awe-inspiring experience participating in the delivery of our third daughter.

Our Halloween Baby

There’s an interesting video over here at CNN which caught my attention. It’s titled “Little Baby, Big Stress”. It has some interesting suggestions on how to manage stress once a baby is born.

One particularly amusing concept is scheduling a date once a week with your spouse. It might be nice to live in some parallel universe where there were people nearby whom we could trust to watch our children so we could indulge in such activities. As it stands, we’re more or less on our own. We did have some family in town for a couple of weeks, during which time the offer was extended for us to go out to dinner or something, just the two of us. We opted to stay home and relax. At least, that was the plan. As for me, I was physically incapable of relaxing, sleeping, eating, or thinking coherently. When the pediatrician gave us an A-plus, said baby’s doing great and that he had no advice for us since we seemed to be doing everything right, I was speechless. Had I attempted to say anything, it would probably have been unintelligible nonsense, my parenting privileges would no doubt have been stripped from me immediately, and my wife and baby would have been sent home with a police escort. It would have been a strait jacket for yours truly.

We nearly boycotted Thanksgiving, but I decided to take advantage of the fact that, dare I say it, I was beginning to feel human again. So I cooked a turkey, complete with stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, the works. I stared at our third perfect little girl. I reminded myself of how lucky we are. My wife reminded me of how lucky we are. I think I’m even starting to feel lucky. It’s one thing to intellectualize it or hear it said over and over, but it’s another thing entirely to feel it. I admit that I’m very selfish that way. I have this need to feel good about things, to enjoy life, to have a good time whenever and wherever possible. I don’t want my daughters seeing their father reduced to a neurotic mess of a human being and thinking that’s what they have to look forward to when they get older and accumulate responsibilities.

Life is good right now, despite the string of recent and current events which are providing endless entertainment for my family, friends and coworkers.

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Relocation

Just up and relocated the entire family to the Capital District. That would be the region surrounding the capitol of New York State. Most non-New Yorkers have no clue as to what that means. Most non-New Yorkers, including many who have visited the state, consider New York to encompass the four block radius surrounding St. Mark’s Place in Greenwich Village. That would be located on Manhattan Island. That’s right, Manhattan is an island. So is Long Island. Queens is a borough. New York City has five of them (boroughs, that is). Queens, and Brooklyn (another borough) for that matter, both are part of Long Island, though neither Queens-ites nor Brooklynites seem to grasp or admit that. I grew up in Queens, which is not necessarily relevant, depending on who happens to be reading this.

Bedroom WindowNow we’re in a renovated textile mill, supposedly the largest textile mill in the world, which has been converted into loft apartments. My one-way commute has been reduced from 40 miles to 4.5 miles. The kids are loving it so far. The architecture around here is fascinating. Supposedly, real estate around these parts hasn’t suffered quite as much of a blow as elsewhere. Still, there are those back on Long Island who rolled their eyes at me when I told them we were moving… UPSTATE. We are now ‘upstaters.’ The key phrases regarding Upstate New York vs. ‘Downstate’ are “your money will go so much farther,” “such an easier pace,” and “what about when it snows?” Right now we’ll just go ahead and enjoy the autumn weather.

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Happy 87th, Great Grandpa!

[youtube zvQZLzO0vRM]

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GeoAccess Excel Add-In

Access Links, the Add-In included (but not enabled by default) with Excel, can save time when exporting data to MS Access. However, for frequent GeoAccess reporting, I was craving some more flexibility, so I started scripting some alternative solutions (please note: I have only tested this with Excel 2000). Three of them are packaged in this add-in, GeoAccessAssistant.xla (click here to download). Once installed, it adds a GeoAccess menu bar with the following three buttons:

Export Zip Selection to MS Access

Select a range of zip codes. (Please note: Zips must be in a single column. At a later date, I might enhance this to accommodate other types of ranges, i.e., horizontal, non-contiguous, etc., but for now, this should still be useful in the majority of scenarios.) Click Export Zip Selection to MS Access. This script will trim the contents of each cell to remove surrounding white space, add leading zeroes wherever necessary, shift the selection down one row, add zip as the value in the empty cell at the top of the selection, expand the selection one row at the bottom to catch the stray extra cell, create a new, blank Access database with the same name as the active workbook, then transfer the selected range to the new database into a new table named census. The script goes one more step by running this JetSQL Data Definition Query:

alter table census alter column zip text(5)

It seems that GeoNetworks can return inaccurate results if the zip field is not a text field five characters in length. I found this out the hard way. Three hours and two tech support calls later, I decided to avoid that particular trap going forward.

Export Zip Region to MS Access

This goes through essentially the same steps as the above, except you only need to have the cursor in a single column of zips. When you press Export Zip Region to MS Access, it first selects the current region, meaning it will expand to select contiguous, neighboring cells with contents. Try to make sure those cells happen to be in a single column.

Export Zips and Counts (Populate)

This one does not require anything to be selected initially. Clicking Export Zips and Counts (Populate) pulls up a single-button UserForm prompting the user to Select Zip Range, then Click Here. Next, it prompts to Select Counts, then Click Here. Both selections must contain the same number of cells, i.e., one zip code per count, otherwise a message box will pop up warning Cell counts not matching. Try again? The user can either try again or cancel the operation. (I have not torture-tested this, but it should work with all types of selections including non-contiguous areas, as long as both zips and counts have the same number of cells. However, I can’t imagine encountering a scenario such as that. Then again, one never knows…) If the cell counts match, it will prompt Click to Export Data to Access. It will then create a new, blank Access database with the same name as the active workbook, create a new table named census with a five-character text field named zip, then iterate through each zip in the originally selected range, duplicating records according to each corresponding count, essentially replicating the GeoNetworks Data-Populate feature.

I haven’t provided further instructions, as this assumes some Intermediate knowledge of Excel which should include managing Add-Ins. Details are freely available in Excel’s online help.

If anyone either finds this useful or feels that I must be stopped, please feel free to share opinions, experiences, rants, and raves. Any suggestions are always more than welcome, though I cannot guarantee that I will act on them other than to respond to your comments. I assure you, I’m driven by an uncontrollable desire to automate away repetitive tasks wherever possible, not including, of course, those repetitive tasks which might actually prove beneficial, such as breathing.

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MySpace at Last

I’ve finally succumbed to peer pressure and threw up a MySpace account here. For someone who prides himself on being technically savvy, it seems a little late in the game. Frankly, I’ve been a little creeped out by the whole MySpace phenomenon, with all the sexual predators floating around, not to mention the hordes of lonely, desperate, socially inept types who can’t pry themselves away from their computers long enough to skulk out of their dingy basements and meet people the old fashioned way, face to face. I’m not advocating alcoholism here, mind you, but there’s a lot to be said for the occasional visit to the local watering hole for a shot and a game of pool. Sometimes it’s just that kind of night that could lead to marriage and children, if that’s your thing. Of course, it’s much easier to pretend you’re a hundred pounds lighter and thirty years younger, soliciting twelve year olds because you’re just so in tune with their needs. I know plenty of people who are convinced that computers are evil. Apparently it’s the Internet itself that ends marriages, rather than the people compelled to abuse the greatest collective source of information the world has ever known. So maybe I’ve been guilty of labelling MySpace unfairly. After all, guns don’t kill people. People do. I will keep this website and blog going, selectively throwing up a MySpace blog entry, maybe sharing a photo here and a video there. With a little luck, I’ll avoid getting sucked into the dark abyss.

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School Photos

Gia had school pictures taken. They arrived last week. There are two of them, both of her. Unless I’m missing something, there is no ‘class picture.’ Maybe they couldn’t get the room full of 3 year olds to cooperate. For $45 a set (the least expensive option), they should have had those kids standing at attention. Of course, we ‘have to do it,’ since it is, after all, Gia’s first official class photo. That’s how they get you. Tug those heart strings. Never mind that we have our own website with upwards of 15,000 family photos. Never mind that ours look better and more professional. (I don’t know who they had taking these pictures. They’re cute and all, but that’s only because Gia is quite possibly the most adorable child on the face of this Earth aside from her baby sister.) Never mind that we’re spending a fortune on tuition, on top of which is the constant barrage of fundraising requests. It never ends with these people. Gia herself could have taken better pictures. Maybe Nikki and I should volunteer our own photography services (naturally at a premium price). We could pay for a couple of months of school for Gia inside of an hour.

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