GeoAccess Excel Add-In

Access Links, the Add-In included (but not enabled by default) with Excel, can save time when exporting data to MS Access. However, for frequent GeoAccess reporting, I was craving some more flexibility, so I started scripting some alternative solutions (please note: I have only tested this with Excel 2000). Three of them are packaged in this add-in, GeoAccessAssistant.xla (click here to download). Once installed, it adds a GeoAccess menu bar with the following three buttons:

Export Zip Selection to MS Access

Select a range of zip codes. (Please note: Zips must be in a single column. At a later date, I might enhance this to accommodate other types of ranges, i.e., horizontal, non-contiguous, etc., but for now, this should still be useful in the majority of scenarios.) Click Export Zip Selection to MS Access. This script will trim the contents of each cell to remove surrounding white space, add leading zeroes wherever necessary, shift the selection down one row, add zip as the value in the empty cell at the top of the selection, expand the selection one row at the bottom to catch the stray extra cell, create a new, blank Access database with the same name as the active workbook, then transfer the selected range to the new database into a new table named census. The script goes one more step by running this JetSQL Data Definition Query:

alter table census alter column zip text(5)

It seems that GeoNetworks can return inaccurate results if the zip field is not a text field five characters in length. I found this out the hard way. Three hours and two tech support calls later, I decided to avoid that particular trap going forward.

Export Zip Region to MS Access

This goes through essentially the same steps as the above, except you only need to have the cursor in a single column of zips. When you press Export Zip Region to MS Access, it first selects the current region, meaning it will expand to select contiguous, neighboring cells with contents. Try to make sure those cells happen to be in a single column.

Export Zips and Counts (Populate)

This one does not require anything to be selected initially. Clicking Export Zips and Counts (Populate) pulls up a single-button UserForm prompting the user to Select Zip Range, then Click Here. Next, it prompts to Select Counts, then Click Here. Both selections must contain the same number of cells, i.e., one zip code per count, otherwise a message box will pop up warning Cell counts not matching. Try again? The user can either try again or cancel the operation. (I have not torture-tested this, but it should work with all types of selections including non-contiguous areas, as long as both zips and counts have the same number of cells. However, I can’t imagine encountering a scenario such as that. Then again, one never knows…) If the cell counts match, it will prompt Click to Export Data to Access. It will then create a new, blank Access database with the same name as the active workbook, create a new table named census with a five-character text field named zip, then iterate through each zip in the originally selected range, duplicating records according to each corresponding count, essentially replicating the GeoNetworks Data-Populate feature.

I haven’t provided further instructions, as this assumes some Intermediate knowledge of Excel which should include managing Add-Ins. Details are freely available in Excel’s online help.

If anyone either finds this useful or feels that I must be stopped, please feel free to share opinions, experiences, rants, and raves. Any suggestions are always more than welcome, though I cannot guarantee that I will act on them other than to respond to your comments. I assure you, I’m driven by an uncontrollable desire to automate away repetitive tasks wherever possible, not including, of course, those repetitive tasks which might actually prove beneficial, such as breathing.

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MySpace at Last

I’ve finally succumbed to peer pressure and threw up a MySpace account here. For someone who prides himself on being technically savvy, it seems a little late in the game. Frankly, I’ve been a little creeped out by the whole MySpace phenomenon, with all the sexual predators floating around, not to mention the hordes of lonely, desperate, socially inept types who can’t pry themselves away from their computers long enough to skulk out of their dingy basements and meet people the old fashioned way, face to face. I’m not advocating alcoholism here, mind you, but there’s a lot to be said for the occasional visit to the local watering hole for a shot and a game of pool. Sometimes it’s just that kind of night that could lead to marriage and children, if that’s your thing. Of course, it’s much easier to pretend you’re a hundred pounds lighter and thirty years younger, soliciting twelve year olds because you’re just so in tune with their needs. I know plenty of people who are convinced that computers are evil. Apparently it’s the Internet itself that ends marriages, rather than the people compelled to abuse the greatest collective source of information the world has ever known. So maybe I’ve been guilty of labelling MySpace unfairly. After all, guns don’t kill people. People do. I will keep this website and blog going, selectively throwing up a MySpace blog entry, maybe sharing a photo here and a video there. With a little luck, I’ll avoid getting sucked into the dark abyss.

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School Photos

Gia had school pictures taken. They arrived last week. There are two of them, both of her. Unless I’m missing something, there is no ‘class picture.’ Maybe they couldn’t get the room full of 3 year olds to cooperate. For $45 a set (the least expensive option), they should have had those kids standing at attention. Of course, we ‘have to do it,’ since it is, after all, Gia’s first official class photo. That’s how they get you. Tug those heart strings. Never mind that we have our own website with upwards of 15,000 family photos. Never mind that ours look better and more professional. (I don’t know who they had taking these pictures. They’re cute and all, but that’s only because Gia is quite possibly the most adorable child on the face of this Earth aside from her baby sister.) Never mind that we’re spending a fortune on tuition, on top of which is the constant barrage of fundraising requests. It never ends with these people. Gia herself could have taken better pictures. Maybe Nikki and I should volunteer our own photography services (naturally at a premium price). We could pay for a couple of months of school for Gia inside of an hour.

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Family

Had a sort-of-surprise family gathering on Sunday, a rare combination of related and nearly related people at my house. It’s extremely rare to have any combination of people aside from our immediate family at our house ever. Maybe this is a good thing, because it always seems to be followed by shell shock. I don’t know if that would change if we got to see our respective families more. Maybe the fact that it’s so rare is what makes it such a shock to our systems. This last visit was a relatively short one compared to the few before, but I still needed yesterday to relax afterwards. Luckily, it was a Jewish holiday. Good timing.

Despite the exhaustion, it’s always nice to have external validation of our parenting abilities. My brother said something like, “Looks like you’re doing a terrible job raising kids,” as Gia looked up at him smiling from ear to ear. “If you ever get tired of ‘em, let us know.”

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Snotfest

I was speaking with a business associate earlier today, and he asked me what my plans were for the weekend. I told him probably not much, since everyone’s sick, it’s basically been a snotfest. He laughed and asked if I thought there could ever be that much mucous. I said it’s actually more than their body weight. I don’t know how this happens.

Ava’s been in good spirits despite the rivers of yellow and green boogers. You can see a smile in there if you squint. She’s a trouper. We’re probably just playing pinball with the germs, bouncing the sickness back and forth between all of us. We’ve all heard about what happens when your child starts school, but we never thought it would be like this. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but Gia started just a couple of weeks ago, and it’s been downhill ever since. I don’t know what kind of mutant strains are lurking in that school, but they’re no joke.

We’ve been told that Gia’s the one going around hugging everyone. I wonder if a full body suit and a gas mask would offend anyone.

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Autumn

Barely noticed the summertime. I think it came around for a few days, long enough for me to throw our air conditioner into the living room window and run up one electric bill. I’ll have to rip it out of the window before we get the house powerwashed. Despite all the global warming, the A/C was almost more trouble than it was worth this year, and it feels like the hot weather’s history. Maybe the change of seasons is partly to blame for Ava’s refusal to let us sleep. She’s been waking up throughout the night, screaming at the top of her lungs, which seems to be her standard procedure for letting us know she’s either uncomfortable, or wants something, or who knows. She’s got one of those screams that can shatter a human skull. I’m surprised the neighbors haven’t called the cops yet. If we were still living in our apartment, I’m sure we’d have been visited repeatedly by now. It must sound like there’s torture going on, and in fact there is, but we’re the ones getting beaten up.

On the bright side, Gia seems to be enjoying preschool. It’s almost a month already. So far so good. I think she’s the only one getting any sleep at all.

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Parents Orientation

Gia starts preschool officially in nine days. One week from today, she begins her ‘Phase-In,’ and that same night, there’s a ‘Parents Orientation.’ This is one more affirmation that I am really a parent. I wonder how many other parents at this shindig will feel as disoriented as I feel. I still haven’t come to grips with the fact that I have offspring. In my professional life, I grapple with the feeling that I’ll be discovered as some kind of impostor, that someone someday soon will wake up and realize that I know absolutely nothing. I’ve expressed this to some of my associates, and happily, they’ve laughed at me, so for now, the snow job continues. What will it be like when I’m surrounded by a bunch of other parents, at a very parent-focused event? I’ve been around parents before. I even had parents myself. What’s the story here? Why the apprehension? I don’t even have long hair any more, so there’s even less reason for people to look at me like I’m some kind of freak. Really, I’m looking forward to the experience. It’s all part of my big experiment in adulthood. I’m trying to remain very selective with it though. Wouldn’t want to be an adult all the time. What a waste of time that would be. I can see how my kids look at me when I even try. They know better, much better. They are both much wiser than I ever was.

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How to Pay to Sleep on the Job

I’ve been pushing the siesta concept for years. Looks like these people are capitalizing on it. (Goodbye, yet another window of entrepreneurial opportunity for yours truly.) Their website even has a nifty little graph which supposedly illustrates how ‘Cognitive Performance Deteriorates Without Naps.’

Hypnotic Cognitive Performance Graph

The graph is nifty, I think, because at first glance, I have no idea what it’s showing me. I’ve even looked at it two or three times. Still I have no clue. I see a couple of lines and numbers and dots there, and there’s some kind of footnote saying where these statistics came from. There’s even Sara Mednick, I mean DOCTOR Sara Mednick, who has a PhD or something from some prestigious college somewhere, who supposedly did studies, and I guess she looks nice enough based on her picture, and the website people say her college was prestigious, and I’m sure her parents or someone was proud when she got that PhD from, oh wait, HARVARD, and I’m getting dizzy because I’m so delirious from not having a nap today that their nifty graph is making me stare into it, deeper, deeper, your eyes are getting sleepy, deeper, deeper, thank you Sara Mednick, thank you so much for spending time and lots of money scientifically researching something that the rest of the world didn’t need a college to tell them, and now things are coming around full circle, just like doctors prescribing Yoga, that’s it, I’m going back to school to study… ummm… ZZZZZZZZZZZ

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Happy 40th Birthday

Happy 40th Birthday

Turned 40 last week. Today’s 40 is yesterday’s 20, or something like that. I feel pretty good aside from the general malaise, which is also a good thing, I think. Self reflection is inevitable at this point. Maybe it’s not inevitable, but here it is. I’m reflecting. Crain’s NY Business Magazine, which I often read because it’s left on the bathroom floor at work, has its “Forty Under 40″ piece listing those wildly successful “Under 40″ people who, we would assume, have managed to make boatloads of money and earned the respect of the community and gobbled up millions of acres of prime real estate and have the words “Chief” and “Officer” in their titles. I’ll have to put Made it into the Crain’s ‘Forty Under 40′ on my list of things I didn’t do before I was 40. Thankfully, it wasn’t one of my life’s ambitions. On the other list, however, I’m finding there are some truly great things. Here they are, in no particular order:

  • Got married
  • Became a dad… TWICE!!
  • Bought my first house
  • Got a real estate license
  • Got a college degree
  • Took the LSAT
  • Played music onstage

OK, so it’s not exactly a comprehensive list, but it’ll have to do for now. I’ve got to go make plans. There’s plenty to do before I turn… 40 1/2.

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Home Improvements

We needed to fix the bathroom. Gia ripped the soapdish out of the wall a month or so ago, and since then, it’s been patched up with duct tape and a plastic trash bag. Shortly thereafter, we found a flyer in the mail advertising one of those one-shot, shower/tub shell deals, so we decided to give it a try. The owner of the place showed up last Saturday to give his shpiel. We liked him. He made the sale. They were due this morning.

Nikki called me after I got to the office. She was there with Jose, the one guy they sent to do the job. When he started pulling down tiles, it became apparent that the job was going to be a little more complicated. I asked her if Jose was panicking. I heard her ask him, “Are you panicking?”

“Yes, I’m Spanish,” he replied.

Turns out Jose did a great job. Of course, it rained all day, so he had to do his sawing and bending and whatever else in our living room, so Nikki’s busy cleaning up toxic dust right now. We’ll also have to fix the brand new gaping hole in our outside wall before a rainstorm comes and… well, I won’t know that until I get home. It was Jose’s first week, so he probably worked extra hard to make a good impression, so at least we have that going for us. That, and the fact that the house hasn’t caved in. I guess we still have a bathroom, so that’s also a plus.

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